Last African Despot Crushed To Death By Throne

Posted on April 1, 2019

Winston K’Dogo was a Chimurenga (Revolutionary War) agent, recruited to work for the East German Stassi (Secret Intelligence) organisation, was killed yesterday when a throne crashed through the first floor of his palace in Botswana, where he was living in exile.

Winston K’dogo had been recruited to work for the Stassi when in the early seventies he laid hereditary claim to both the diamond rich area in the Congo as well as several copper rich areas in Zambia and Zimbabwe (then Rhodesia). His claims were based on tribal boundaries and/or inter-tribal marriage. While the claim in the Congo showed some promise, both President Kenneth Kaunda as well as President Ian Smith refused to recognise the validity of the claims to the copper mining rights. The ANC also refused to recognise the validity of the K’dogo claims.

The increasingly erratic and uncontrollable behaviour of the despot led to his being ousted from power in Bakina Fasso by a Stassi backed Coup D’etat, leading the tyrant to flee the country. He sought and was granted sanctuary in Botswana. Despite being ousted by the Stassi, they continued to “bank roll” him in retirement until the collapse of East Germany in 1989.

His eccentricity in retirement knew no bounds. Using money he had stolen from his country’s treasury and victims of his oppression – he is rumoured to have made the victims families of his murders pay for the ammunition used to kill them – he proceeded to amass a collection of stone thrones. The collection dated back many centuries and it was described by the UNESCO world heritage committee as “the single most important collections of stone masonry work across tribal boundaries ever known to man kind”.

It was in the area of architecture though that his most eccentric behaviour manifested itself. At the cost of several million dollars, he had built a royal palace three stories high with a ground surface area twice that of Buckingham palace and Windsor Castle combined. The structure was made from an obscure form of grass, frequently mistaken for swamp reed, with the palace often being sited as an example of renewable architecture years ahead of its’ time, although the material had to be frequently treated for black and white termite infection.

It was due to such infection that a throne from Southern Rhodesia’s Matabele land tribe crashed through the first floor of the palace onto the unsuspecting K’dogo below, killing him instantly.

Which just goes to prove that people in grass houses shouldn’t store thrones

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