A Matelot, A Pongo and a Crab are Standing in a Bar…

Posted on January 8, 2018

There is a great tradition within the Military for humour.  While it is a dark, gallows humour, it serves a purpose to lighten the mood in the austere environments in which service personnel find themselves.  The humour at times is very parochial and specific to units, regiments or services and understood by relatively few people.  These jokes do not translate to civvy street, and on occasion have to explained.  However, within the group, much hilarity ensues and further jokes are brought forth in the social groups.

The humour, joke telling, and fun-poking at other Forces, Services, Regiments, Corps or Units is just one small element of the wider requirement to build and maintain morale in all situations, but there is another significant element to this;  Banter.

Within the Military the banter is something that transcends all boundaries, and is international and universal, certainly among the Allied nations.  It is something that civilians find difficult to understand, and while it can be, on the surface, offensive, abrasive, and critical, it is said in most cases to demonstrate a point – that you belong!

Send in your favourite Military Joke, story, memory, banter, or even “urban myth”… the best will be collated for possible inclusion in a book to raise money for some of our favourite Military Charities.  If you have a favourite charity to whom you would like a sum to go, then please let us know.

The favourite Jokes will also be added to a “Joke of the Week” on this blog each Friday.

Here goes, with my particular favourite:


Young Johnny Smith, having completed P-Company, is on the phone to his Mum after doing his first static line jump.

 “Mum, it was horrible.  I thought I was up for it, but when I got to the door, all hooked on and everything, I just froze!”

 “My God!” said his mother with the expected maternal concern, “what happened?”

 “Well,” says Johnny, “Sgt McKenna, the 6’ 8” Jump Sergeant told me that, if I didn’t jump, he would shove his 12” manhood up where the sun doesn’t shine!”

 With a sharp intake of breath and concern for her son, Mrs Smith hesitantly asks “So, did you jump?”

 Johnny replies; “A little bit, when it first went in.”


Start sending in your funnies to info@exforces.net !


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