Late News: General S. Claus To Visit US And British Bases

Posted on December 25, 2014

Memorandum For: All Military Personnel
Subject: Official Command Visit
This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. S. Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will be in effect, and govern activities of assigned and attached personnel during this visit:
1. No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all native mice. Special stirring permits for required administrative actions will be obtained through command channels. Stirring permits for mice and other animals will be obtained from the Office of the Surgeon General, Veterinary Services Division.
2. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for nap: pajamas, cotton, light drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage, and cap, camouflage, w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1200 hours 24 December.
3. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums to dance through their heads. Artificially sweetened sugar plums are authorized for personnel on unit weight control programs. These items may be picked up in the central dining facility.
4. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit safety officers will submit stocking-hanging plans to this HQ, ATTN: DCSLOG not later than 0800 hours, 22 December.
5. At first sign of clatter from lawn, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open shutters and throw open window sashes. DCSOPS Plan LO-3, Paragraph 6c, dated 2 February 2012, will be in effect to facilitate window opening and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures, and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open, nor window sashes thrown open prior to start of official clatter.
6. Volunteers are needed to drive one sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of Gen. Claus. Drivers must have current military driver license, properly annotated for rooftop landing and parking.
7. Gen. Claus will enter all sections through chimneys. Sections without chimneys will draw a Chimney Simulator, M-6, from Link Services for use during ceremonies. Requests must be submitted in triplicate prior to 20 December. Submit request to Post Engineer, prior to 19 December
8. All personnel will be rehearsed in shouting “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.” This shout will be given upon termination of Gen. Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of all section chiefs.
FOR THE COMMANDER

POLL

Are you confident that you have transferable skills useful in civilian life?

  • Of course! (80%, 63 Votes)
  • Not so sure! (15%, 12 Votes)
  • No! (5%, 4 Votes)

Total Voters: 79

Loading ... Loading ...

Hot Topics

From the Advice Required Forum
FORUM